In our lives we all have dreams of growing up and growing old with someone. We might even go as far as picturing that house with the white picket fence, and a hand full of kids running around. Everyone’s view on relationship is different, but we all have that desire to have someone, and be loved.
My past relationships have been good, but quite interesting. Everyone I have ever dated have been women. Of course I had thought about men from time to time, but still in the end, I dated women. Whether I was hanging out with, or dating women, I always felt more comfortable. Anytime I was around men, I always felt uneasy around them. So I kept my distance from men. This was also one of the factors that came into play leading to my transition.
When I started my transition, I was end a relationship that ended due to my transition. This event was very devastating for me. There was a lot of depression, and it was a couple of years before I felt comfortable talking to people. There were a few that acted like they were interested, but in the end all they wanted was sex, or an experiment to see what they like. Basically I had to filter out people, and reached a point of giving up on relationships all together, but then I met someone. This someone is a male friend of mine that gave me and is still giving me support as a friend and ally. Any time I would down myself on my relationship status he would say something like “those people do not know what they are missing, it is their loss, and you are an amazing person. It was because of him that I was able to get out of the hole I was in and finally move on with my life.
After realizing that I could move on with my life, I decided that some things needed to change. The first thing that needed to change was my career. My career at the time was being a construction superintendent, yes I know that is not what yall were expecting, but it is the truth. That career was not giving me any satisfaction, and I felt like I wasn’t making a difference. So as a result I started going back to school to be a psychologist. It was gaining a really good friend that allowed me to pursue this path, to believe in myself once more.
Now the best thing to happen recently is my current relationship, and one I plan on lasting for a life time. My girlfriend is the most amazing, beautiful, loving, and so many other things in the universe. From the first time I laid eyes on her, I started falling in love. She loves me and supports me the way I am, and in everything that I do. This girl is definitely the love of my life, and the one I want to grow old with. It is also a wonderful feeling to go to sleep and wake up next to someone you love.
In our transitions we may feel alone at times, and that nobody could ever love someone like me. That is just a feeling, and a false statement. You can be loved, and there is someone out there for everyone, but first you need to love yourself. If you are still having that battle inside you, then you can not expect anyone to love you or you be able to fully love them. Work out the things that are holding you down, get out and meet “friends”. Good quality friends will and can help you through life’s obstacles. Besides, it is always nice to have someone to talk to when you meet that special someone. You do not have to be alone, but you need to take baby steps to get there. Love yourself and others will love you.