Transitioning and Feeling Good

In our lives we all have things that make us feel good about ourselves, and these things can be anything from being told you are pretty to personal accomplishments. As a transgender woman, there are a wide range of things that help me feel better about myself. These experiences have helped me grow as a woman, and I would like to share them with everyone in hope that they help others along the way.

As I first started my transition, obviously I was referred to as he/him about ninety-five percent of the time, and one hundred percent at work. Now I know that this is a sickening number, but lets be honest, it is to be expected. The pronouns were used because I was still working at the same job, and no hormonal changes have become obvious yet. So how do you deal with this? Well, you do your best to ignore it and keep your eyes on the path of your journey in becoming yourself. Luckily for me I was able to get away from that job and move on to a different venue. Just like the first job, the next one was construction as well. This time I went in from the beginning, and explained my situation in terms of “this is who I am, and if we can not agree, then we can not work together”. Believe it or not, this actually worked, and I worked for the company for a little over two years. Towards the end of my time there, I realized that I wanted something more meaningful, so I decided to go back to school and join the medical field.

Going back to school was one of the best decisions that I have ever made. Also, going back to school was the first event for me that did not involve me having to explain “transgender”. On the first day of school, I had much anxiety about being called out, but I was not called out. Everyone saw a woman, and treated me as such for the entire semester. Even had one professor that always referred to me as “Ms.”. It was an amazing feeling to hear someone say that all the time. Also, I ended the semester with very good grades. So with that said, I am headed into the next semester with unbelievable confidence.

After starting school, I soon needed to find a job that was in the medical field, even if it had nothing to do with psychiatry. So after many applications, I finally found a job in medical. When getting ready to start this job, obviously I needed to go through interview processes and medical screenings. At no time during this process was I ever referred to as a he or transgender, and that was another amazing feeling. So far after starting my job, nobody has misgendered me, or treated me badly, and I am loving this job.

One of the biggest reasons that I have got to this point, is that I have been patient, and allowed that hormones to do the work. There was even an incident that was quite funny to me. This incident involved a person trying to explain to me what transgender is. Yes you read right, this person was trying to explain to me that someone else was transgender, and then proceeded to tell me what it meant. Obviously I did not out myself, but it made me feel amazing to know that this person could not tell that I transitioned.

What I hope that my fellow transgender reader take away from this, is to be patient with yourself. The life that you are wanting will come in time, so do not give up on yourself. Things may seem hard and hopeless, but remember that your body has to go through changes. Also, remember that you all are not alone in your transition, because we are in this together.

-Adeline

Only You

Night falls,

At our home tonight

In bed I lean over,

And kiss you goodnight

As I lay here,

I hear you fall asleep

Your breathing changes,

As you start to count sheep

I love you more,

Than life itself

Only with you,

Can I be my true self

-Adeline

A Transgender Woman In College

If you would have asked me ten years ago, or even four and a half years ago, about would I go back to school. The answer to that would have been a definite no at the time, mainly because I felt like I was stuck where I was, and that I was nowhere good enough for a university. It was not until a year ago did I realize that was not the case, and decided to pursue a degree. In choosing a degree, I really did not have a hard time figuring out what I wanted to do. What I want to do is help people on a level that most people frown upon, that level is psychology.

After I decided my major, I started planning out my path, asking myself all kinds of questions. One of those questions was, “How far do I want to go in school”? There was much thought and consideration to this, and the end result was to go all the way. My interpretation of going all the way in school, is to go to med school and become a doctor, or in other terms, a psychiatrist. Some of you may know the difference between psychology and psychiatry, and some of you may think they are the same. Well psychiatry means that you have completed psychology and med school, where as psychology is just what it says, psychology. Being a psychiatrist means that I can help my future patients even more, not for the money, but so that I can make a difference in people’s lives. So with all of that planning, I put everything into motion, and started school.

This past fall was my first semester, and I can safely say that it was a very good one. Being that I am a thirty-four year old non-traditional student, I had many concerns about going back to school. All of that fear started to dissipate after my first few weeks of college. Then when I received my final grades, all fear went away. On my high school transcript, it may say that I graduated with a dual seal of distinction, but the grades were not all that impressive. There were A’s, B’s, And quite a few C’s, but when I received my first semester’s grades, I was blown away to see that I had all A’s. You heard that right, after being out of the classroom for sixteen years, I went in and made straight A’s. It felt amazing to see grades like that for the first time in my life.

So how does all of this relate to the title having “transgender” in it? Well, what it means is that anybody can go back to school. When we transition, sometimes it is not just our bodys that are changing, but our careers can change too. When I started my transition, I was an assistant superintendent for a construction company. Being a transgender woman in a male dominated field wasn’t easy. When I started my transition, I knew that the chances of being accepted at work were going to be very slim, but I took a chance anyway. On May of 2017, I came out to people at work, and I resigned three months later. Even though I found another construction job a month later, I still was not happy. There was still a sense that I did not belong, so in 2019 I decided to start over, and go back to school.

The bottom line of this is, you can do anything you want, it is your life. Despite what people or society think, you can change your life. So when you are starting your transition, give some thought to what you really want to do with your life. Decide for yourself, what direction you want to take. If you are already an auto mechanic, and do not want to do anything else, go to school and get a degree in business, and open your own shop. It does not matter whether we are gay, lesbian, transgender, gender neutral, white, black, asian, hispanic, catholic,wiccan, buddhist, hindu, or any other personal quality that make you who you are. We are all in this world together, and only together can we offer support, and make this world a better place.

-Adeline

The Dark Figure

Through the room,

I moved with care

A sudden sense,

Of something in the air

Under the bed,

And around the corner

Checking for what has hidden,

An ominous newcomer

Upstairs and down

Outside and in

Little did I know,

The darkness was within

I looked in the mirror,

And brushed my teeth

Laid in bed,

In much disbelief

All of a sudden,

There it was

Tall and dark,

Behind the curtain it was

It moved towards me,

I must be insane

I cried out for help,

But nobody came

In the blink of an eye,

I woke up with a scream

My heart was racing,

It must have been a dream

-Adeline

Christmas tips for friends and family of a transgender individual.

Here we are in the final month of the year, and that can only mean that Christmas is around the corner. Just like Thanksgiving, friends and family gather together to celebrate the holiday with dinner and the exchange of gifts. That’s good and all, but where does that leave your other friend, daughter, son, nephew, niece, brother, sister, granddaughter, or grandson. You know the one that is transgender and maybe just came out within the past year. What do you do, how do you handle that situation. The answer is quite simple, and I am here to help guide you this holiday season, so that everyone can enjoy the holidays.

One of the first question that probably enter your mind are “will that person come to the Christmas gathering”? Typical question that could be asked about anyone, but the tone is different when about a transgender person. The answer is that it should not matter, be prepared for them to show as you would anyone else. If you still feel comfortable knowing, then just ask who is in charge of the guest list.

The next thing that you’ll most likely ask yourself is “what do I call them”? Now this is a great question. The answer may seem both simple and complicated. Ask yourself what gender they are transitioning to. If they are a transgender woman, meaning that they are transitioning into a woman, then you need to address them with the pronouns associated with the female gender. If they are a transgender man, then you need to use male gender pronouns. This also applies to their name as well, because there is nothing more demeaning than calling someone by their dead name. If all of this is still confusing you, then address the individual with neutral pronouns such as “they or them”. Yes, I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but doing this will allow you to be respectful, as well as allowing the person to correct you.

When it comes to gifts, you can make this simple or complicated. If you are accepting of the person, then it is simple, give them something that corresponds to their gender. They will appreciate it so much, especially if it is the first gift they receive like that. I remember the first gift I got that corresponded with my gender, It was a tunic top with bell sleeves. Even though It is too big for me now, I still have it, and the kicker is that my mother gave it to me. If you are having difficulties understanding everything, then gift something neutral. For example, a gift card, something for their house or bedroom, something for the car, and cash always works. The one thing that you do not want to do is give them something that corresponds to the dead gender, meaning the one that you are use to seeing.

Remember, we are all human, and live in this world together. So lets make the world a peaceful place to live, and treat each other with the same respect that we would want. If you need help with understanding a transgender person in your life, please feel free to comment, or send an email. I would be more than happy to help.

-Adeline

Battle of Lunar Delta

All crews to stations, this is not a drill, I repeat this is not a drill. The alarm sounded all over the ship after we heard the loud bang in the sky. “Attention crew, this is Captain T’rig”. I said trying to hide the uneasiness in my voice. “Most of y’all have met me, and others have not yet had the chance, but hear me now. At approximately eight hundred hours, an enemy vessel entered our space, and blasted two satellites out of our planet’s orbit. They are now heading towards one of our moons, where the residents of Lunar Colony Delta are residing and defenseless. Our mission is to intercept the enemy, and destroy if necessary. All of you have been through your training, and graduated top of your class, so I expect nothing less than proficiency”. “Captain”? “Yes, helmswoman what is it”? “The enemy already has a jump on us, how are we going to intercept”? Helmswoman asked. “We will have to do something that has never been done with a spaceship. Crew, upon exit of this hangar, we will engage a empulse jump that will slingshot us just beyond our orbit, from there we will engage our warp jump. This empulse jump might make you a little sick, so hold on”. I said trying to reassure the crew. “Navigation”! “Yes ma’am captain”? “Prepare to take us out of the hangar, and activate empulse jump on my mark”. I said with authority.”Engage forward drive. Steady, steady, almost there. On my mark…punch it”! I exclaimed with excitement. The ship at that moment defied all gravity, and shot through M’volu’s atmosphere in less than a millisecond. The crew felt as if they were in two places all at once.

“Engine room, engage the warp jump now”! I said pushing them. This is a good crew, but this is also their first mission, as well as this ship’s first mission. She is supposed to be top in the fleet, with all the most up to date technology that M’volu has to offer. “Alright everyone, battlestation ready, once we exit warp we will be in battle. We are the only line of defence for Lunar Colony Delta, we can not let them down”. I said. “Captain we will be exiting in five, four, three, two, one”. Navigation counted down. The crew was very anxious at that moment. Boom! The sound of a laser hitting the starboard shields as the ship exited warp. “How did they know where we were going to drop”. A member of the crew shouted.”Return fire, load torpedoes, and let’s give them hell. We are M’voluians, and we will not back down”. I shouted across the bridge.”Ma’am they are now on an intercept course right for us, what should we do”? Navigation said.”Move towards them and on my mark, hit empulse jump”. I said. “Five hundred meters, four hundred meters”. Navigation kept counting as the ship moved closer.”Engage empulse jump now”! I shouted. As the ship jumped the enemy ship went right underneath us. Once above the enemy ship, the crew then spun the ship around, firing all torpedoes, blasting the enemy ship into a billion pieces. “Captain, I am detecting alien life signs on our ship”! the security officer shouted.”How many are you detecting”? I asked.”Approximately thirty, they must have transferred over before impact”. replied the security officer.”Attention all hands, prepare for hand to hand combat”. I commanded over the ship’s intercom.

Transition

I feel like a woman,

In my mind

I feel like a woman,

Even in my soul

I look like a woman,

When I makeup my face

I look like a woman,

Dressed up in lace

I don’t look like a woman,

Beneath the pants

I don’t feel like a woman,

When it’s time to dance

How can I live,

With parts of a man

How can I live,

When nobody sees me as woman

I cry and I try,

To hide all the pain

But I am a woman,

And beauty is pain

What Is Thanksgiving Like If You Are Transgender?

This will sort of sound like an entry in a diary, but I will do my best to keep it from doing that. Thanksgiving Day is celebrated all across the United States, and so many families are brought together during this time. For some of us this is an exciting and happy time, but if you are transgender it can be miserable. Let me tell you how my Thanksgiving went yesterday.

It all started a few weeks ago, when we all received the mass text about who was bringing what. There had to be like nine people in the group, and all were asked “what were they bringing”, all except me. In the message, I was never asked, I was told to just bring plates, cups, and napkins. To top it all off, I was dead named in the message. So this should already be giving you some insight on how my relatives are.

Now for the actual Thanksgiving Day. Yesterday, there was a mixture of things happening, but what did not happen was use of the correct name and pronouns. There were a few relatives that did not use either and I thank them. The rest were composed of using wrong name, pronouns, and some did not even speak to me at all. My mother repeatedly used the wrong pronouns, and my step-dad even said “sir”. Also there were people that were using both dead name and pronouns. Now you are probably thinking that maybe they have not had time to adjust, but they have. It is going on five years since I transitioned, and most of these people are on my Facebook page. There was even a picture posted by my mother that looks like I was cropped out of. This was taken during the time that she was wanting to take pictures with everyone. To this day, there is not a picture of me and my mother since I transitioned.

The point I am trying to get across to my readers. Whether you are someone in the community or have a relative that is part of the community, try to be nice. Treat people with the same respect that you would want to be treated with. If you are a cisgendered man or woman and someone uses the wrong pronoun. How would you feel about that? You would feel disappointed and might even start to question your masculinity or femininity. The same goes for someone that is transgender, we have feelings too. So to everyone out there. Please try to respect others despite of sex, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, race, and religion. We are all HUMAN.

-Adeline

Chapter 3

After all the crying about what happened, we both got into our comfy clothes and layed down. It had been such a long stressful day, and I was glad to have Jen here with me. However, I still can not get over Jen only sleeping in a t-shirt and panties. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is super hot. The one thing that I can not help to wonder is if she is trying to get my attention, or if this is just her. As we laid there some more watching t.v., we started talking about girls, boys, and how dating is so different between them. Have you ever kissed a boy? Jen asked. No not really, I kinda have always been into girls. You mean, there hasn’t once ever been a time that you thought some guy was super hot? I’m sorry Jen, but that has never been the case for me. How about you? Have you ever kissed a girl? I asked. This was my way of testing Jen’s sexuality. Well, um, maybe? She replied. What do you mean maybe? Jen it is a yes or no answer. I said laughing a little. Alright I haven’t kissed a girl! She said excitingly. Hmmm, do you want to? You know, see what it is like to kiss a girl, maybe you will like it. Maybe I will try it one day, you never know. She said. Well whenever that day comes you’ll have to tell me all about it. I said with a smile. We continued with our girl talk, and then decided to get ready for bed. As Jen was doing her thing, I got up and went down the hall to the bathroom one last time. When I came back Jen was sitting on the edge of the bed. She looked like she was anxious about something, or at least that is what I was sensing off of her. I went over and sat down beside her. Jen what is it? I asked with concern. Jen? Hello, earth to Jen. At that moment something happened that I was not expecting. Jen turned and kissed me.

Mind of Transition

I opened my eyes,

To a new place

Little did I know,

About the human race

I took my first step,

Towards what unknown

All I knew was ,

That I was not alone

Time for the first cut,

To look like a boy

I hated it 

I am not a boy

Years go by,

Still no change

This body,

Is so very strange

The time has come,

To make a decision

Would I prepare for death,

Or start livin

Life I chose,

And now I see

Something true and beautiful,

The women i’ve come to be

-Adeline